Ignore the red flags for the thrill’s sake

This article contains spoilers for the first season of “The Idol.”

In the past few weeks, quite a few people have spent their Sunday evenings watching (or hate-watching) the widely criticized HBO show “The Idol,” which aired the fifth and final episode of the season last night. (the offer It was said to have had a sixth episode but it ended early amid rumors that the viewership was very low).

At the center of “The Idol” are Jocelyn (Lily-Rose Depp), a pop star on the brink of self-destruction, and Tedros (Abel Tesfaye, aka The Weeknd), the club owner/leader of the fearsome cult that occupies it. his spell. Their abusive relationship blossomed despite multiple red flags.

In the pilot episode of “Idol,” after Jocelyn first meets Tedros, her best friend and assistant, Leah (Rachel Synnott), says, “He’s so angry.” Jocelyn replies, “I kind of like that about him.”

The show was created by three guys — Sam Levinson, Reza Faheem, and Mr. Tesfaye — and it’s full of lines meant to ruffle feathers in the post-#MeToo scene. But beneath the cheap supply shocks lies a question many of us have asked ourselves: Why do we choose people who are bad for us?

Valerie Povat deVergenie, a 24-year-old Washington, D.C., communications professional, noticed similarities between her love life while watching the show, such as when Jocelyn and Tedros got randomly close in the Valentino store’s fitting room while shopping at the Rodeo. Drive in Beverly Hills. She said this reminded her of her last “love affair”, which was eventually spiraling out of control.

“I really saw her making excuses for Tedros and I know that sucks, but I would do the same too. Like, ‘The sex was really good,’” she said in a phone interview last week.

Of course, this kind of attraction can slip into more serious issues like self-sabotage, manipulation, and abuse, which is a clear sign that it’s time to seek help. But there are simply those sexually attractive and seductive types who manage to attract the attention of potential lovers, despite their toxic behaviors and red flags.

Sometimes the excitement of romantic uncertainty. Sometimes the sex is good. Sometimes there is a desire to “fix” it.

A friend admitted to me that he recently started seeing someone again after he and Molly “broke up and broke up” in Juneteenth, then reached out and said they didn’t remember the interaction.

Adam, 28, who lives in the Lower East Side, recently got back together with his on-again, off-again guy, who he describes as having great banter that would last for hours, leading to an obsession and a mutual attraction. Adam, who asked that his full name not be used, said the man’s behavior eventually changed.

Adam added, “It was a lot of broken promises when it came to plans, when it came to the way he treated me in public.” “He said he would come to my event, he didn’t come.”

He quickly called off their relationship, which was not monogamous at the time, before resuming the relationship after winning it over (some of his friends wouldn’t approve, he added). Adam said he is not interested in a serious relationship with him at the moment but believes they are “kindred spirits”, and that he enjoys being around him, despite how it might look.

“I’m just intrigued by his charisma, and I’ll admit my taste is up to a T when it comes to men. And we have really strong energy and attraction.”

Dame Buvat de Virginy said she tends to look for people who are the center of attention, who are drawn to but cannot manage to get their attention but “maybe I can because I understand them”.

“They can’t be pinned down, which is like a red flag to being like, ‘I’m just, I’m just being wild.'” She said, “I can’t be in a relationship.” But then they say, “I love you” within two seconds.”

She ended their relationship about 12 hours before our call, just two days after the penultimate episode of “Idol.” This was after her ex-husband, 31, called her several times drunk while on a business trip in Europe. She said he was crying and yelling at her on the phone, criticizing and insulting her. She realized it was becoming emotionally abusive, so she had to set boundaries.

“And instead of saying ‘I’m sorry,’ he said ‘It’s because I love you,’” Mrs. Buffat de Virginie said. She later discovered that he had been sleeping with other people behind her back.

“It was fun while it lasted,” she added. “But then it got kind of bad, just not in a fun way.”

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